All in the Past
by Shartae
Summary: Shounen-ai Bart x Billy Oneshot -If you could be someone else just to forget your past, would you be willing to face that other person's past? Are you actually any better off?


Disclaimer: I will never own Xenogears or any other squaresoft titles. Boo- hoo.  
  
Note: Shounen-ai Bart x Billy  
  
****

**All In the Past  
**---------------------  
  
There were many times in the past that Billy wished he were someone else. It was a reoccurring fantasy of his to imagine himself in someone else's shoes, with someone else's name and past. In fact he found that he enjoyed pretending that he didn't have a past at all to speak of.  
  
There were no Reapers –WELS- and there was no orphanage, no 3000 gil offerings for him to have to remember, and he hadn't been an Etone. He hadn't killed all those people, he hadn't actually murdered...  
  
There were a number of people on the Yggdrasil that he sometimes thought about pretending to be, but sometimes when he thought about it, he realized that he might not be so bad off. All these people were here for a reason, after all. Many of them had pasts just as dark and troublesome as him.  
  
Citan with his dark eyes and usually intelligent conversations. There were many times that the man would seem to withhold information, but he had many trusting friends and was reliable. But his past was shrouded in a haze of fog, which he perpetually kept around himself at all times, making Billy curious as to just how dark a history he had.  
  
Fei was the greatest friend one could ask for. Someone who was open and honest about his feelings and never withdrew information. He was capable of handling himself and never hesitated to help a person in need, but once again Billy had been struck with the realization that while Fei acted like life was normal, the other man's life had only recently been turned upside down. His past wasn't just a haze to Billy, but a mystery to himself even.  
  
Fei's past showed itself in the little hesitations that would stop him in the middle of a sentence and cause him to pause and the way his eyes sometimes became distant and he wouldn't respond to anyone's questioning.  
  
And then there was Bart; loud, obnoxious, rude, and reckless. Billy had barely given the future king a second thought when first they had met, but he had found over time that while Bart did have his bad qualities, so did everyone else. Bart's were just more obvious.  
  
Billy chuckled softly at this thought and looked up from where he sat on the bed, his eyes trailing over the back that was turned towards him.  
  
Yes, and while Citan and Fei's pasts were shrouded in mystery, Bart wore his like a badge. From the patch over his eye, to the scars that Billy could clearly see lining his back in the soft light.  
  
Billy reached a tentative hand up to touch one of the scars and marveled at the terrible memories they must hold. Bad memories which he realized could probably rival his own.  
  
"What are you thinking about?" the owner of the scars asked.  
  
Billy pulled back his hand quickly and reprimanded himself for getting so deep in thought over nothing, but as he did so he looked for a reasonable answer to Bart's question.  
  
"The past," he muttered absently hoping that the tone in which he spoke the words would make it a dropped subject.  
  
He really should have known better seeing as how he was talking to Bart. " What about the past?" Bart persisted.  
  
"About other people's pasts," Billy replied through gritted teeth as he tried to cut the conversation short.  
  
"Oh..." Bart replied intelligently as he stood up from where he had been sitting on the bed.  
  
"Didn't think other people had pasts, eh?" Bart commented as he looked at the wall to the room he occupied on the Yggdrasil. "You know the others have bad memories too. It's not like you're the only one."  
  
"I know," Billy said sighing. "Yours are just more obvious than others."  
  
Bart agreed to this with a simple shrug of his shoulders causing the scars to move with them.  
  
"I admit, I've had my bad days, but it's all in the past," he said throwing a shirt over his shoulders and covering the scars from view.  
  
"How can you just say that and forget about it?" Billy wondered aloud.  
  
"I don't forget, I can't," Bart replied, "but I learned to live with it."  
  
Billy sat silently still wrapped in the blankets on the bed that he and Bart shared. He shivered softly from the early morning chill and his own haunting past as he watched the man in front of him shift through their clothes that were strewn over the floor.  
  
"Don't mess with my shirt, Bart," Billy warned in a teasing tone at the young king.  
  
Bart rolled his eyes skywards shaking his head in disbelief as he finally managed to find his boots under Billy's pants. Billy couldn't help but chuckle despite his dark mood.  
  
Bart sat back down on the edge of the bed and pulled on his boots while at the same time pulling out a hair tie.  
  
Billy shifted calmly from his position pushing the bed sheets back just enough to allow him to use his hands and took the hair tie out of the offered hand.  
  
He took the long free flowing gold hair at Barts' back and began braiding it slowly, taking his time in the early morning hours. He had never been a morning person unlike Bart who was always one of the first people awake in the Yggdrasil.  
  
"You shouldn't worry so much about the past."  
  
Billy almost lost his hold on the gold strands of hair he was braiding as Bart sat calmly staring at the wall again as he waited for Billy to finish.  
  
"What's done is done and you can't do anything about it other than reminisce," Bart continued unperturbed. "It's not worth it to waste your life worrying about it."  
  
Billy paused as he stared at Barts' back. "I know that," he replied almost agitated by the simple words as he finished braiding and tied the end of Barts' hair.  
  
"Of course you do," Bart said sarcastically, punctuating the statement with a quick kiss and a smirk just before he walked out of the room, leaving Billy sitting on the bed.  
  
Billy sat there in the now silent room, caught between fuming at Bart and feeling angry with himself. Had he had any clothes on he probably would have run the future king down and beat him senseless.  
  
He sighed in frustration instead and ran a hand through his short silver hair before leaning back to try to fall asleep again after Bart had rudely awakened him earlier.  
  
Though maybe waking up to a nice long kiss and a body wrapped around him wasn't so rude a way to wake up...  
  
Billy couldn't help the blush that came over his cheek at the sudden interruption to his anger and shifted on the bed so that he was resting his head on Bart's pillow.  
  
Maybe Bart was right and it would be better not to worry about the past so much. Besides Billy had more important things to think about. Like how he would have to find a ways to get back at Bart for this morning. He smiled deviously before slowly beginning to fall asleep to dream of all the ways to torment Bart.  
  
---------------  
  
Hmmm... I didn't like the way I ended this fanfic. I thought it was too abrupt, but hey at least it has an ending. (That doesn't happen with a lot of my fanfics)  
  
Tell me what you think if you happen to read!


End file.
